Objects in the mirror

Through trial and error I have come to the conclusion that objects in the mirror are indeed closer than they appear. It is extremely difficult to accumulate enough strength to power through and move on from difficult life situations. Suffering through depression, to me, is like driving with a flat tire in the prehistoric ages. Everyone around you appears to be gracefully galloping through life in the fast lane while you’re stuck riding the shoulder scraping metal as sparks fly every which way. You’re smooth sailing weightless hybrid that would steadily burn rubber on highways has now turned into a Flintstone car being powered by blood, sweat and literal tears.

Many people find that struggling to get through depression is one of the most challenging tasks that life can lob at a person. I have vigorously tried time and time again and I believe I have finally come up with a solution for myself; leaving objects in the rear-view mirror. I found that I was constantly thinking about everything that I should have done, things I could have done differently, what if’s and why did I’s. 

If only I had focused more on my studies than the girls on campus…

If only I looked forward to waking up early and arriving to class and work on time instead of the next taste of alcohol and drugs

IF ONLY I DIDN’T DROP OUT OF COLLEGE AND COMPLETELY RUIN MY FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Constantly thinking about these situations on the regular clouded my mind and the current future I was working on. With every job that I obtain I know I could be making double. With every time I apply for classes I know I should have completed them semesters ago. With every time I look at my depressingly dry bank account I know I could be sitting on six figures easily. If only if only if only.

I found that having these recurring thoughts darkened my lifestyle forming a black hole of liposuction stealing every ounce of motivation and determination in my life. In turn I have lost many jobs and wasted many years of college stuck in the darkness – blinded from all light dragging my wheels on the side of the road. 

With every year I waste thinking back at what I could have done differently I waste a year at starting new and working my way back up.

No longer will I waste the days away in my dimly lit room searching for an answer in my past. No longer will I blow paycheck after paycheck at the casino in hopes striking gold. No longer will I continue to struggle through life on this rickety Flintstone car. The soles on my shoes are all worn out.

It is finally time for me to throw that old car away. Before I can drive I again I must first walk, jog, run, sprint, bike and then I will be back on my feet. I know I can’t expect to get a high paying job, but I will put every ounce of strength in me to work until I get there. And then I will work some more. Farewell to the past.

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear, but if you keep on driving they will never catch you. 

(Writing is my own therapeutic way of getting better. Seeing, in writing, the ridiculous things I have done in the past and the time I have wasted on useless nonsense alone motivates me even more to try harder each day to live healthy and successful life. Also, reading the feedback you all have been giving me is one the few things that put a smile on my face these days. I really appreciate and look forward to hearing from you all.)

Thank you all for reading,

– Derek